My ultra-personal inner monologue

Gentleman, start your engrams

New day, new beginning. I despise the artificial new beginnings brought on by feelings of guilt around this time of year.

He says while beginning a new diary on New Year’s Day. In my defence: in this instance it was useful to abuse the expectations of a new year. I have to start this journal at some time. It has to be separate from my normal daily blog, yet it must exist.

My last regular journal was half my life ago. I feel compelled to write, not only because of the inner drive to create, but also because I am being propelled by circumstances. The words ‘fate’ and ‘destiny’ have never been abused on the millstone of my conversations – I detest those ideas.

How ironic that it is now exactly those concepts that make me feel things are coming to a point.

Despite years of grinding, I am still resolute in my conviction to change the world. In humble honesty I admit I have changed many lives – and people remind me also – but I need to make a bigger contribution to mankind. My life will have been wasted if I do not change the fundamental way humans think. A monumental task to be sure, but at least it is a challenge. Nothing less would be acceptable.

My whole life is as a story: I need to get to where I can better the lives of as many people as I can reach. Now and in the future. Recent events ‘feel’ right; circumstances seem to dictate that I am on the right track.

Despite an innate revulsion of ‘fate’ and ‘destiny’ I do feel guided in a way. Whether this is wishfull thinking or whether it is a grand design remains to be proven.


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